Tips for Writing Family Stories

My regular readers know that one of my pet projects is encouraging people to write family stories. Writers and non-writers alike. You don't need to be a professional writer to record your family history through stories of incidents and events. Anyone can do it. 

There are websites to help. Use any search engine and enter 'how to write family stories', and you'll be amazed at the number of helpful articles that pop up. 

There is a difference between family stories and family history. The latter is made up of facts and figures...names and dates of marriages, births, deaths, places lived. Family stories are more personal letting future generations know more about the personalities of family members as well as significant things that happened within the family. Both good events and sad or bad. It's all part of your family history. You don't want to sugarcoat your family members in every story. Tell it like it is. Or was! You can do this without being nasty or cruel. 

My mother often mentioned an uncle of hers who she said was 'the meanest man on the earth'. When he died, he left money to all his nieces and nephews, so the man had a good side, as well. Many of our relatives have more than one side. Try to find the good side when you can.

A few tips when writing family stories: 

A. Use sensory details to make the individuals seem real--sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell.

B. Try to show the place where the story happens. City, farm, ranch, island, ocean? 

C. Do more than tell the story. Show us what happened. That's where the sense of place and sensory details come in.

D. Use active verbs instead of relying on passive ones like is, was, were, are. Active verbs help show while passive ones end up merely telling the story.

E. Use some adjectives to help with description, but keep it to one, two at the most. Otherwise, it sounds too saccharin.

F. Dialogue helps bring the story alive. You probably can't remember dialogue word for word, but you will remember the gist of what was said. It's alright to create dialogue as long as the meaning is the same as what was said.

G. Humor is always welcome in any story. There are many humorous things that happen in our families. They beg to be repeated.

H. Don't shy away from sad stories. They should be told. They are part of what makes people who they are. The same with tragic events in a family. Tell them with kindness.

I. It's not necessary to write the stories chronologically. Write them as they come to you. 

J. Describe the characters in your stories. What relation were they to you? Physical attributes. The kind of person he/she was. Weave all this into your individual story. 

Keep a file of the stories you write. Both on your computer and hard copies saved in a large 3-ring binder. Computers fail us at times, so those hard copies are important. 

Many people say they want to write their family stories. They think about it, they talk about it, but that's as far as it goes. Start with one story, save it, then go on to the next. You don't have to keep at it day by day. Write when the mood moves you but try to do it with some regularity. The longer you are away from the project, the easier it is to stay away. Maybe aim for one a week. 

If you write your family stories, you'll have a certain sense of satisfaction. Our family memories are treasures, so why not share them with other family members and leave them for future family members.  

Don't Put Off Writing What is Important Today

My apologies for the long time between posts. Life throws us a curve ball now and then. On the evening of May 1st, I had a heart attack, ending up with two stents put in the next day and a couple days in the hospital. Then home to spend a few weeks recovering. 

I've been thinking about writing an essay detailing this experience, but the thought process is as far as I've gotten. When we have something traumatic happen, and that could be any number of things, we need to get our thoughts down in some way. Maybe an essay, maybe a poem, maybe a fiction piece based on what happened. 

The problem is that we don't feel like making that effort while we are still going through whatever happened. With me, it's been on my mind, but I haven't been able to sit down and put the words on the paper or screen yet. 

When this happens, we need to do it before those thoughts trickle away, and we've lost the urge to write about it or have forgotten many of those important bits and pieces. We should do it while the emotion is still present.

Give yourself time, just not too much time. If nothing else, make some notes and keep them where you see them daily. When you're ready, get that first draft written. 

Write about your experience for yourself but also for others who might relate to what happened to you. Don't put it off too long, or you'll lose some of the emotion that can go into a piece like this. Be like Goldilocks and find what is 'just right'.

Should I Join a Writer's Group?

Do you belong to a writer's group or association? If not, why not? I've heard excuses like 'I don't have time for that.' and 'They don't write like I do.' and 'I hate meetings.' 

Nothing is perfect, but I believe that writers' groups have enough benefits to give them a gold star. There are a variety of groups that offer different benefits. 

A. Online critique groups: I have belonged to one for many years, and I know that I am a better writer because of them. When others critique my work, they look objectively and point out things I never see, even when I am editing and revising. Besides improving my writing, the women in my group have become real friends. Where do you find a group like this? Go to your favorite SEO and use keywords like 'online critqiue groups' or 'online writing groups'. There are many different kinds. My group is for women only and open to International writers. It's relatively small, varying with 20-25 members. There are others that are quite large and can probably offern more because of size. Personally, I prefer the smaller size as it is more personal. 

B. Local in-person writing groups:  Many towns have groups like this. I found one many years ago through my local library. Way back then, a group of older ladies who liked to write met one Sunday afternoon a month. I learned a lot merely by listening to them chat and hearing them read pieces of their work. Now, our community has a few writers' groups that meet face-to-face. 

C. State organizations: Most states have a writers organization. I joined mine 26 years ago and have never been sorry. They offered me an opportunity to meet other writers, to attend workshops and an annual convention as well as monthly meetings. When Covid hit, we started having zoom meetings, and they were so well received that they continue to this day. My state is over 400 miles long from east to west border, so the zoom meetings allow everyone to hear guest speakers, attend meetings, and more. Once again, use a search engine to find your own state organization for writers.

D. Other online writing groups: There are other online groups that are not critique based. They offer information for writers, news about submissions, and more. 

By joining writing groups, I have connected with a great number of writers. I benefit from their understanding of the writing world, their successes, and their friendship. I have also found that the involved you become in a group, the more benefits you receive. 

One word of caution. There are writers who start joining writing groups in person and online to the point that they spend the bulk of their writing time with the groups, which leaves less time for actually writing. I encourage you to find and join a few groups, maybe even narrow it to one or two, but do remember to leave plenty of time to write. 
 

Aim for Strong Writing

Our photo today is of a man lifting a barbell, a strong man. He probably could not lift a barbell of great weight when he first started this exercise. He worked at it a little at a time, increasing the weight and his strength a little at a time. 

Like this man, we writers must work at being a strong writer. Strong writing doesn't merely happen.  

There are a number of things that will increase the strength of our writing. Here is a list of some of them:

A.  Getting rid of unnecessary words like very, usually, really. They clutter up our writing. Go through an old piece of writing and circle each unnecessary word, then delete it. These words don't help your writing. They become added clutter. We often use them in our everyday speaking but try to lose them when you write.

B.  Repetition of words and ideas can also give that cluttered look to your writing. When you edit, look for repetition of words close together and replace some of them. Also, watch for repetition of ideas. Sometimes, we writers think that the readers won't 'get it' unless we repeat. Don't do it.

C.  Overly long sentences can confuse a reader. They can often be cut into two separate sentences and become even stronger. 

D.  Be sure your verb tenses are consistent. If you are writing in past tense, make sure you stay in past tense. Or in present tense, keep it throughout. 

E.  Cutting words is a good way to be a stronger writer. Not only the unnecessary words mentioned above, but we can cut other words. We will often end with sentences that are more clear and stronger.

F.  As writers, we should work on increasing our vocabulary. By doing so and using the words we've learned, we will strengthen our writing. 

G.  Show don't tell. Every writing book you might read will emphasize this. A story in which a writer uses showing rather than telling will always be stronger and far more interesting.

H.  Use sensory details. When you show, rather than tell, you have a perfect platform for using sensory details like sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. 

I. Bring emotion to your writing. If the writer has emotion, so will his/her reader. 

J.  Writing exercises are not a waste of time as some writers contend. On the contrary, they help us as much as the weightlifter when he continues to increase the size of the bar bell he uses.  Daily writing exercises develop our writing muscles.

All the things listed above will aid us in becoming stronger, better writers. They take time. They require effort. In the long run, they will make you a stronger writer. 

 

Book Review: The Queen's Cook

 I recently read The Queen's Cook by Tessa Afshar, Historical Fiction that pulled me in quickly. Not only historical but biblical, as well. The bible brings us many wonderful tales. Ms Afshar has brought the Book of Esther alive in a fictionalized version of the well-known story from the Old Testament.

In the book, we see Roxannah, the daughter of a Persian Lord who has fallen on hard times, grow from a young girl to a young woman who works and thrives in the kitchens of Queen Esther despite the spiteful antics of the other cooks.

Her friend, Adin, is Jewish and a court physician who helps her get a job as an assistant cook when he sees the poverty her family lives in. They see one another daily, and their relationship grows, although neither wants the other to know their feelings.

The king, guided by his prime minister, sends out an edict that all Jews are to be killed on February 28. Queen Esther risks her own life by asking the king to change the order, that the Jews should at least be allowed to defend themselves. The horrible day leaves many lives changed forever. 

Roxannah worships the gods of the Persian people of that time, but her growing relationship with Adin opens her heart to the God he worships. We follow them as they uncover a plot to kill the king's other favorite wife, who is Esther's enemy, as they relate their knowledge to Queen Esther, and she rewards their loyalty. 

The book follows the story of Esther in the bible quite well, adding these two fictionalized characters. We see the culture of the times clearly, and also note that the jealousies, hatred, and tender hearts are much the same as today's people. We learn of the procedures of life at court from the king down to the lowliest servant. I found the descriptions of some of the foods made in Esther's kitchen most intriguing, as well as the interplay of the assistant cooks who made the girl's life miserable. 

The writing is excellent, and the pages turn faster and faster as you get into the story. Credit a fine author for that. Christian Historical Fiction at its best. A four star read.

Add Easter Memories to Your Family Stories

Me at age 3 on Easter Sunday

A repeat post for Easter weekend.

Easter weekend is drawing near. Do you have a family story that revolves around Easter? Below you will find some questions that might trigger some memories.

A.  Are Easter celebrations different today than when you were growing up? 

B.  Did you have a family Easter Egg Hunt?

C.  Was your Easter Egg Hunt indoors or outside?

D.  Did your community sponsor an outdoor Easter Egg Hunt?

E.  Did your family go to church on Easter Sunday?

F.  What kind of clothes did you wear on Easter?

G.  What kinds of foods did you have for Easter dinner?

H.  Did you get an Easter basket filled with candy and maybe small toys?

I.  Did you color eggs?

J.  Did your family celebrate alone or invite other family members to Easter dinner?

K.  Did you always go to Easter dinner at one of your relatives?

L.  What was the weather like on Easter Sundays where you lived?

M.  Was shopping for new clothes for Easter important in your family?

Hopefully, the questions above will help trigger some memories for you. If you don't have an actual Easter story to write, write your 'memories of Easter.' Add it to your Family Stories book. That collection can have memories in it as well as family stories. 

Several years ago, I wrote some Easter thoughts with a small story within those memories. 

The photo with today's blog was taken at Easter of 1942, soon after the United States entered WWII. 

Easter Thoughts

By Nancy Julien Kopp

I’ve been thinking about the Easter celebrations of my childhood years in the Chicago area during the 1940’s. When Easter fell in March or early April, we donned colorful spring dresses and coats to walk to church in sharp north winds, even a little snow on occasion. 

On one of those bitter cold Easter mornings, I had a new aqua-blue spring coat and hat that I’d looked forward to wearing. Mother told me it was much too cold to wear it. “You have too far to walk to church. You’ll freeze,” she said. 

I begged and begged. “Please let me wear it. I’ll wear a sweater underneath.” Tears slipped from my eyes as I waited for her to give in. They were genuine, not a ploy. Wearing that new coat was a monumental need at that moment at age eight.

Mother relented, but I did have to wear the sweater I’d proposed underneath my lightweight, pastel-colored coat. I think I was very glad to have it as my brother and I headed to church to hear the Easter story once again. My parents never attended church with us. Theirs was a mixed marriage—Dad was Catholic and Mother Methodist, and neither ever gave in to the other. But we kids all attended the Methodist church and Sunday School. Dad polished our shoes every Saturday night so we’d look our best on Sunday mornings. He buffed them to a high shine and lined them up in the living room.

The day before Easter, we dyed eggs in glorious colors. Coffee cups filled with hot water, a dye tablet and a splash of vinegar covered the kitchen table. We arranged the eggs on a big platter with artificial grass as a nest. The Easter Bunny hid them while we slept that night.

The Easter Bunny usually brought us a few chocolates, jelly beans and a new comic book. He also hid the brightly colored eggs in our living and dining rooms. What fun it was to discover the decorated eggs, one or two of which we always found in Dad’s shoes left out overnight.

Later in the day, aunts, uncles and cousins joined us for a special dinner. Mother usually fixed a leg of lamb or a big ham, glazed with brown sugar and mustard, cloves inserted in the scored top. Many side dishes weighed down the dining room table-- scalloped or mashed potatoes, two or three vegetables, a jello salad, homemade rolls, pickles, olives and pickled beets, and a springtime dessert of some kind, cream pies, berry pies, or a cake with whipped cream frosting. The aroma of all these good things filled our small apartment.

When we were all too full to move, it was time to do dishes. No dishwashers, but all the women pitched in, and they were finished in no time. Maybe not all the women. I had one aunt who always announced she needed to use the bathroom as soon as the cleaning up began. Off she went, and she never appeared in the kitchen again! The clatter of dishes and the chatter of women filled the tiny kitchen. My cousin, Carol and I were drafted at an early age to dry the silverware, a job neither of us liked. We hurried through our task, so we could walk to the park to play the rest of the afternoon.  Occasionally, we finished our Easter celebration by going to the movies. We sat transfixed at the fabulous musicals starring Betty Grable or some other glamorous star of the 1940’s.

. The rebirth of springtime flowers, trees and bushes still symbolizes the meaning of Easter for me. Christ’s resurrection created a rebirth for all Christians, and as He taught us to love one another, I also think of the love of family as part of our Easter celebrations. It isn’t only the ones of my childhood, but for today, as well. When we spend the Easter holiday with our son or daughter’s family, going to church, having a celebration dinner, and being together. Not so very different than all those years ago. 

 

Our Introduction to Poetry

Nursery rhymes were our earliest exposure to poetry. Mothers and fathers have repeated them so often that children soon learn to say them, too. Mother Goose books are almost a must for every small child. Many of the rhymes have been set to music so we sing them as well as recite.

Children get a little older, go to school and learn rhymes to recite when jumping rope. It was mostly a girls' activity, so I'm guessing it's my women readers who can bring several to mind. Here's one we used often:

Down in the valley,

Where the green grass grows.

There sat Nancy 

Sweet as a rose

Along came Michael

And kissed her on the cheek.

How many kisses

Did she get? 

(And next, I would have to jump until I missed while the other girls counted)

Still in grade school, we moved on to rhymes to sign other girls' autograph books.  Ones like:

You are

 2 good

2 be true

(Then we signed our name beneath the rhyme)

Who can forget one of our early ventures into poetry with the following poem (and variations thereof)?

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, 

Sugar is sweet,

And so are you

All of these 'poems' had one thing in common. They rhymed. Besides that, the poems had a rhythm, almost sing-song for some. There have even been drinking rhymes composed, with mug in hand, most likely. 

We studied poetry in junior and senior high school. They were longer and somewhat difficult to interpret, but most of them rhymed. Unless you were an English major and took more than the basic English courses, you probably didn't become familiar with free verse or the Japanese forms either. 

My favorite poetry to write is free verse. There needs to be no rhyme or specific rhythm. You're free to write what is in your heart, what you want to tell the world. You're not hampered by all the other specifics. It's the kind of poetry all of us can write. Yes, you too. 

Even in free verse, we have some concerns. Choice of words is important. Active verbs show while passive ones do not. We also consider things like alliteration, onomatopoeia, and senses to bring the poem to life. Similes and metaphors enter the picture, too. Not sure what some of these are, check them out on your favorite search engine.

If you're a prose writer, have you attempted to write free verse poetry? Give it a try. It's not that difficult, and you might find you enjoy it. I learned that the more I wrote, the more I wanted to keep going. You don't need formal training (although I'm sure it helps) to write free verse. I say that from my own experience.

During this National Poetry Month, think about the place poetry has played in your life, from early childhood on. If you're one who claims you 'don't like poetry,' make an effort to read some this month, reading with an open mind. No one is going to like all poetry, just as no one likes every kind of prose. We try this and that until we find what we like. 

I saw a sign in a gift shop once that amused me. It said:  Wine is poetry in a bottle. That probably appeals only to those who sip wine now and then.

Celebrate this National Poetry Month by reading some poetry. Read a poem more than once. Once is merely an introduction. With each reading, you'll see something more in the poem.